Living Two Lives
by taynuzz
Summary: You joined the Order of the Phoenix in your last year at Hogwarts and you have finally gained the trust of its members. Dumbledore wants to send you in as a spy for the Order. As a daughter of one of Voldemort's devoted servants, infiltrating the group of Death Eaters is the easy part. The hard part? Keeping your two personas from clashing. SSXReader May have smut/lemons in later
1. Chapter 1, Prologue

Prologue- 1995 (4 years before the Second Wizarding War)

Dumbledore had always admired your ability to word your way out of anything and to manipulate those around you to your benefit no matter who it was. He approached you when you were a seventh year student and gave you a series of tasks that you didn't quite understand.

The first few challenges were simple; manage to convince a Ravenclaw to write an essay for you without bribing them, transfigure one of Professor Flitwick's choir toads into a goblet, things of that nature. At first you enjoyed this little game, you relished succeeding in your assignments and receiving praise from the headmaster.

Your favorite job that he gave you was to steal a vial of Felix Felicis from Professor Snape's office without getting caught. Though you didn't enjoy deceiving your favorite teacher, you loved the thrill of the challenge.

One night, Dumbledore sent an owl requesting you come see him in his office. When you arrived he looked at you in a way that let you know that this encounter was not going to be about some silly task. He sat behind his desk and motioned for you to take the seat across from him. You sat in the padded chair as he stared at you for a few seconds, the seriousness of his expression made you think that you were in trouble.

"What are your views on the uses of dark magic?" The question stunned you at first. Not knowing how to respond, you explain to Dumbledore your family history. Though you have never talked about it to anyone before, Dumbledore gave you a sense of safety and made you feel like you could open up to him without the fear of being judged.

You tell him about your pure-blood extremist father. He softened his tone, "Does your father know about the menial tasks that I have had you doing?" You assured him that your father had no idea nor would he even care enough to listen to what his daughter was doing while at Hogwarts. He always made it clear that he was far too busy to entertain the ideas of a little girl and would always be apparating away the second the mark on his arm began to burn and move.

"What is the one thing, in your opinion, that stops this world from being perfect?" You reflected on the question for a moment before realizing why Dumbledore had called you here.

"Professor, does this have anything to do with…" His name was thrown around willy-nilly in your home but when you were in public you knew that some had feared even hearing his name. "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" There was silence for what seemed like an eternity.

"Yes, Ms. (L/N). I presume you have taken notice to the increased activity over the past few years." You knew exactly what he was referring to. Ever since Harry Potter started at Hogwarts, every year had been riddled with some type of excitement. Last year was the only time your father had ever asked you about your time at Hogwarts, the year that Potter revealed that the Dark Lord had returned.

"I also presume that your family has been quite busy since the return of Lord Voldemort." Hearing his name somewhere other than home was strange, it made everything seem much more real. The Ministry refused to admit that he had returned and the rumors had died down, but you heard the whispers shared between your parents and their colleagues. You knew that it was true, the Dark Lord had returned.

"Unfortunately they have been busier than ever. I think you know what my answer to your question would be, Professor." You felt your face grow red and hot as an anger like no other boiled inside your belly. "He was supposed to be dead! He was never supposed to return to this world, to ruin my family more than he already has! He has destroyed so many lives! The lives of innocents, the lives of Muggles, even the lives of his loyal servants! He rips families apart and forces people into servitude!" You didn't notice how loud your voice had become or the tears that were welling up in your eyes. You finally released all of the frustration that had built up in you since you were told that you had to join your family by his side. "My perfect world? In my perfect world, Voldemort is as he should be. Dead."

Dumbledore stood and walked over to his balcony overlooking the Black Lake. You could tell that your answer was more than he had hoped for.

"Professor Snape should be proud to have you as a Slytherin, you have proven to be very resourceful and cunning over the past couple of months. These tasks that I have asked of you have not been random, Ms. (L/N). I have been studying you very closely to see if you have what it takes to become part of an organization that shares your hatred of Lord Voldemort. I have determined that you have everything it takes to become a member of the Order. If you accept my offer you will enter into a family, one that treasures your abilities and will protect you to the ends of the world. Would you like that?"

A lump began to form in your throat. All you have ever wanted was to be accepted and loved by your family and you didn't want to become one of Voldemort's slaves. You had no idea what you were about to agree to but you trusted Dumbledore with your life and wanted nothing more than to join a group who would actually care about you.

"I would love nothing more, Professor!"

"I must warn you, there is the chance that you will be harmed or even killed if you choose to join us. There are dangerous times ahead."

"I understand, sir. I would be honored to join you in the fight against the Dark Lord."

"Then I have one last question for you, Ms. (L/N). How skilled are you in the art of deception?"


	2. Chapter 2, Back at Hogwarts

**September 1995- **_First Day of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

The summer after Dumbledore asked you to join the Order was excruciatingly drawn out. You informed your parents of Dumbledore's offer to become an apprentice under Pomona Sprout to eventually be qualified to teach Herbology when you finished your three year waiting period. Your mother was ecstatic that you had managed to find an internship right out of school but your father questioned why Dumbledore offered you Herbology. You scored an O on almost all of your O.W.L.s as well as you N.E.W.T.s so coming up with a convincing lie was simple enough.

"So I can start working at Hogwarts as soon as possible. Rumor has it Professor Sprout is considering an early retirement." Your father didn't question you after that. He knew that your grades were superb and that was the one thing that you knew he was proud of.

That summer you studied both herbology and potions textbooks to get yourself familiarized with the most common flora and fungi as well as their uses. You read up on Winogrand's Wondrous Water Plants, Flesh-Eating Trees of the World, and Advanced Potion Making. You had originally wanted to become the Potions professor at Hogwarts but quickly gave that dream up after you had realized that Professor Snape wasn't going to retire anytime soon. Herbology and Potions work together often so you were happy to make the compromise.

The morning had finally arrived! Your suitcase had already been packed for days in anticipation for your departure. Mother came to your bedroom to see you off, you thought your father was going to show up to at least say good-bye but he was, apparently, 'taking care of some very serious business that could not wait.' Your mother kissed you on the cheek and asked you to write whenever you got a chance. You agreed and brought her in for a tight hug, she wasn't a bad mother or even a bad person but your father ran a very tight ship which made your mother less affectionate towards you at times. You could see in her eyes when you pulled away that she was so proud of you. You picked up your suitcase and disapparated to Hogwarts.

You weren't particularly adept with apparating which became apparent as you landed with a thud on the hard stone of Dumbledore's balcony. That was the only place in all of Hogwarts that wasn't restricted to teachers.

When you arrived you were slightly nauseous as you felt your head spinning. Once everything came back into focus you turned around to find Dumbledore sitting at his desk talking to Professor McGonagall. She instantly stood and made a beeline towards you and brought you in for a big huge.

"I'm so happy it's you! Of all the students Albus could have picked, he picked the best of the best!" Heat rose from your chest and you felt your face go bright red. Teachers weren't supposed to give students magnificent praise whilst they attended, they found that it discourages those who were mediocre.

Albus rose from his velvet throne and joined you and McGonagall on the balcony. He explained your role in class and gave you a mock schedule. Professor McGonagall showed you to your new living quarters. You followed her down to the dungeons, she stopped in front of a door about 20 feet from the entrance of the Slytherin Common Room.

"Dumbledore thought it would be best to keep you in familiar and comfortable territory"

The door gave a faint squeak as you pushed it open, it seemed as if it hadn't been occupied for some time. It was a very simple layout, no bigger than a studio flat. There was no need for a kitchen since most meals were eaten in the Great Hall, so the room consisted of a quaint living area, a bathroom, a closet and in the far corner you saw a queen bed and night table.

"Feel free to rearrange things to your liking. If you have any questions about anything, please feel free to stop by my office." McGonagall turned to leave but stopped just shy of the threshold. She closed the door and turned to face you. "I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that Albus chose you to join the Order."

You didn't know what to say, if you had known about Professor McGonagall being a part of the Order you would have felt much more comfortable on your journey down to the dungeons. The look on your face must have said everything your mouth couldn't.

"Don't worry your secret's safe. There are more members here than you know."

"Thank you so much Professor."

"Please call me Minerva. We are co-workers now after all! I'll see you at dinner. I would love to catch up if you would like to sit with me after the sorting ceremony!"

"I would love to! Thank you so much Prof...Minerva." Saying her real name was strange but you knew you would get over it soon.

She flashed a smile before leaving you to unpack your things. Her smile was extremely comforting, she had a sort of maternal gleam in her eye and you couldn't help but stare. Your entire summer was filled with high strung emotions and family arguments about you not fulfilling the family dynasty, but her smile made all of those feelings fade away.

You put your suitcase on the bed and began to put away your clothes, you didn't bring much other than clothes and some toiletries. There was a small fireplace and a bookshelf in the living corner area of your room. During the first trip to Hogsmeade you will make a point of getting some books and trinkets to fill up the shelf. After everything was put away you sat in one of the nice armchairs across from the fireplace. Tears started to well up in your eyes and at first you didn't understand why until you finally realized. You were home.


	3. Chapter 3, Staff Only Christmas Party

_**December 1995**_

The next three months seemed to have flown by. You assisted Pomona during her classes and even got to teach a couple of first years when she had developed a case of Mumblemumps. Calling professors by their first names became much easier every day; you were finally on a first name basis with everyone which made you feel more like an equal. It had taken you the longest to call Professor Snape by his first name and from time to time you still felt it appropriate to keep his title when addressing him.

The new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was an amphibian-like woman who was obsessed with the colour pink and cats, two things that you despised. Sufficed to say you and Dolores Umbridge did not seem to get along well at all. She had questioned your apprenticeship and even threatened to turn you over to the Minister of Magic for being an "illegal instructor" since you hadn't been out of school for the minimum three years. However, you had something on your side that she didn't, Dumbledore. Luckily, Dumbledore had given you the proper title of "Student Teacher" apparently there is no rule against how old you have to be to shadow an actual professor. Umbridge didn't take kindly to not getting her way and would throw you the stink eye and make snide comments whenever she could.

You weren't about to let an irritating colleague ruin your mood because Christmas was fast approaching and you were so excited to have your first break of the school year. Christmas had always been your favorite time at Hogwarts and it wasn't just the decorations or the feast. Every year, your parents would travel to some obscure country for the holiday and it was the only time that they didn't mind your absence from a family event.

You were in Sprout's study, she was helping you learn how to develop lesson plans when two letters slid under the door frame and landed in the middle of the room. The letter inside had fancy gold calligraphy at the top that read,

_1,005th Annual Staff Only Christmas Party_

_December 17th, 1995 8 p.m._

_Headmaster's Study_

Inside the envelope, there was a separate slip of paper that had a list of names whizzing around as if it were the end credits of a movie.

"Pomona, what is this exactly?" You held the sheet up to show her.

"Ah, yes, that is the Secret Santa drawing. When you tap it with your wand it stops on a name and that's who you are the Secret Santa for. Every time someone gets a name it is removed from everyone else's list to prevent duplicates! So you better pick fast or there won't be much left to choose from."

You pulled out your wand, closed your eyes and tapped the paper. You were excited but nervous about who you would get, you had a few ideas in mind for certain people but you were hoping to get Minerva. She had been talking about needing to resupply her teapots and dinner plates to use in her classes. You slowly opened your eyes, when you saw the name in front of you felt your cheeks go red.

You knew exactly what to buy and headed off to Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade the next day to buy some things for Pomona as well as your Secret Santa gift. You made your stops at Gringotts, Dogweed and Deathcap, Ceridwin's Cauldrons, and you even stopped for a little treat for yourself at Honeyduke's before returning to your room to assess your goods.

The students became more and more anxious about the holiday coming up and it had become difficult to maintain focus in class. Professor Sprout tried to keep to a productive lesson plan but found that to be nearly impossible, instead, the students ended up learning about the magical properties of poinsettias and mistletoe. You were just as excited for Christmas as the students were and on the last day of term, you had convinced Pomona to cancel class and let the students have a free period. Once word spread you were the one that had persuaded Professor Sprout to take a day off you instantly became one of the favorite "professors" of many students.

The day had come, at last, the day of the Staff Only Christmas Party. You, Minerva and Septima Vector (the Arithmancy teacher) had taken a girls day to get your hair done and buy new dresses for the occasion. The first stop was to the hair salon across from Honeyduke's, after the appointment Minerva had to run into the sweet shop to get a last minute gift for her recipient, which at this point you guessed was Professor Dumbledore. Then you went to Twilfitt and Tatting's for new dresses. Minerva had picked a beautiful sapphire dress with silver embellishments while Septima had gone with her obvious color of scarlet. You were still oblivious to fashion so they helped you pick out an emerald dress with an elegant golden design going down the back.

Madam Pomfrey, Severus and yourself left in the room. Madam Pomfrey came over to you with a tipsy McGonagall on her shoulder.

"(Y/N), my dear. Would you mind bringing Minerva's gifts back to her study for me when you get a chance? I'm going to put her to bed."

"Of course!" You were happy to help.

Seeing Minerva in this state was funny as she had completely dropped her eloquent tone and replaced it with drunken babble.

"Happy Curshmis to yah (y/n)! You look sssso pretty in your dress! Doesn' she look sooooo pretty Poppy?" McGonagall garbled.

"Yes dear, very pretty." Pomfrey agreed, giving you a smile that said 'Don't mind her'.

"Isn' she pretty, Sevrus?" She hiccuped and giggled.

Snape had pretended to not hear her as Madam Pomfrey helped her down the steps.

You finished reading about slow acting venoms when you decided that was enough for tonight. You grabbed Minerva's teapots and dinner plates and put them in your bag that had an Extension Charm on it.

"Good night, Severus." You said turning to leave.

"Collapsable, Self-Stirring, Hex-Proof Gold Cauldron. The exact one that I just so happened to save an ad for from The Daily Prophet." His tone was sarcastic but not rude.

"Well, your Secret Santa must be observant." You were trying to play it off like it wasn't you but you were sure that he knew.

"Quite. I do hope you enjoy your book, Ms. (Y/L). You are welcome to come by if you would like to attempt to make any of the potions. I have made them all at least once."

How could you have been so oblivious?

"Where were you able to find such a near perfect copy? I've been searching for ages," you asked.

"I wouldn't have guessed a witch like yourself would ever make a trip to Knockturn Alley. A bit dangerous for a young witch to wander the shops alone."

"I think I can handle myself just fine. It also helps that nearly everyone there knows my father." You tried to come off as brave even though you were always a little nervous about shopping there and always made sure you went during the day.

"Well, the shopkeep at Ye Olde Curiosity was a siphon of information about someone who came in looking for an old book only to be disappointed at the nature of its condition." He gave a sly half-grin.

"And how pray tell, did you know about my shop of choice when inquiring about rarities?" You have never told anyone of your adventures down the infamous alley.

"You aren't the only one that shops in Knockturn Alley, Ms. (L/N)." He finally met your gaze and seemed to have accidentally cracked a smile. He turned back to his cauldron quickly, embarrassed by his moment of vulnerability.

You stepped closer and caught his eye again.

"Happy Christmas, Severus."

"To you as well, (Y/N)" He gave a nod and began to pack up the gifts you gave him. You walked to the stairs sleepy and merry, his voice made you stop right you before you went down the steps.

"Ms. (L/N)?" He sounded more serious now. "Please let me know the next time you would like to venture to Knockturn Alley. I'd like to see to it that you are protected, you never know what could happen there."

Your cheeks flushed bright red.

"Of course, Severus."

Falling asleep had been easy with a belly full of Firewhiskey and Pumpkin Pasties. Unfortunately, your sleep had been interrupted by the sound of someone apparating into your room.

"(Y/L)! Take my hand, we need you at Grimmauld!"

Your eyes hadn't quite adjusted to the dark but you knew that voice. You took Dumbledore's hand and disapparated from your bed.


	4. Chapter 4, Christmas at Grimmauld Place

You appeared in Dumbledore's office a moment later. Harry and Ron had been standing in their night clothes looking terrified and concerned. A moment later, Minerva came into the office with the rest of the Weasley's.

"(Y/N), I need you to escort Harry and the Weasley's to Grimmauld Place then get to the Burrow to try to calm Molly down. Arthur Weasley has been attacked and I need someone there until we know what is going on." Dumbledore turned to an old kettle on his desk.

"You have all used a Portkey before?" They all nodded. "Good. (Y/L), please count it off."

"Alright everyone," You were nervous you haven't traveled by Portkey in a long time. "One...two...three!" Before you knew it, you were whizzing quickly in the air. You looked up and saw everyone was aboard and you had hoped for a soft landing.

The group came to a halt in a basement filled with kitchen ingredients and supplies. Unfortunately, you hadn't gotten the landing you had hoped for. It was dark but there was a small fire and a candle to help them see. Suddenly, a voice came from the darkness.

"Back again, the blood traitor brats, is it true their father's dying…?"

"OUT!"

The second voice made everyone jump. You caught a glimpse of a house elf scurrying away. A scruffy man came down the stairs, you had seen his picture in The Prophet a few years back; it was Sirius Black, Harry's godfather and member of the Order. You realized you would finally get a chance to meet everyone that you would be working with to bring down Voldemort.

"What's going on? Phineaus Nigellus said Arthur's been badly injured-"

"Ask Harry," said Fred...or George you were still trying to figure out which was which.

"Yeah, I want to hear this for myself," said the other Weasley twin.

Harry explained his dream/vision to everyone. Ginny wanted to go to St. Mungo's Hospital immediately but Sirius explained why they had to wait.

"You must be (Y/L)," Sirius put out his hand to greet you.

"Yes. It's nice to meet you." You shook his hand not knowing what to do next. "I should go help Molly. Dumbledore sent me to comfort her until we can go see him."

Sirius gave you instructions on how to get to the Burrow safely. You disapparated immediately. When you came to you noticed you were on, what looked like, a farm. The rickety house in front of you had its lower level lights on, which told you Molly was awake and probably knew about her husband. You knocked on the door and a moment later a stout, red-haired woman with a tear stained face was standing in front of you, her robe tied tightly around her waist.

"(Y/N), dear. Come in please! Thank you for coming. Let me get you something to eat," Molly said wiping her face. "Let me just finish this letter." She rolled up the parchment and attached it to Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix. "There, now then what would you like dearie?"

You knew that she was putting on a brave face because she felt like she had to be the warm welcoming woman that you had heard many stories about. You didn't say anything, you walked up to her and gave her s hug. You felt her bury her face in your shoulder, trying to hold back tears.

"He'll be okay, Molly. From what I know they found him quickly and he was alive." You weren't the best at consoling people but you tried your hardest. You couldn't imagine what was going on inside her head right now. Molly walked into the kitchen and pulled out two glasses and a bottle of firewhisky.

"Nothing to do now but wait. So, tell me about yourself, dear. Dumbledore has had nothing but nice things to say about you." You blushed as she handed you the glass.

About an hour past, you told Molly about yourself which seemed to distract her for the moment. When she saw the time, she decided to go upstairs to get dressed. You heard a tapping coming from the kitchen. An owl was outside with a roll of parchment in its beak, you opened the window and took the roll of parchment. You ran up the stairs and gave Molly the letter. She opened it immediately then grabbed your hand.

A moment later you were standing in a bright white room. It took you a moment to get your bearings straight and to let the wave of nausea pass; when your vision had come back into focus you realized you were in St. Mungo's waiting room. Molly had run over to the desk and was led back into the hospital. She looked back at you to see if you were coming but you decided it was best to stay out in the waiting room, this was a delicate situation and you didn't want to intrude. Around five in the morning, Molly came back out of the waiting room.

"He's going to be fine, thank the gods. I need to get to the children. Would you mind leading? I'm an old witch as it is, now I'm an old tired witch."

You took her hand and disapparated from the hospital and found yourself in the kitchen at Grimmauld Place. The Weasley children all stood when they saw their mother, waiting to hear the news.

"He's going to be alright," her voice weak from tiredness. "He's sleeping. We can all go see him later. Bill's sitting with him now, he's going to take the morning off work." Everyone was relieved to hear the good news. Sirius called for Kreature to make breakfast but he never showed up so Sirius started making it himself. You and Harry decided to assist in making breakfast to let the Weasley's enjoy the happy news. Molly came over to thank you all for everything you did to help her and her family. Sirius offered to let everyone stay as long as they needed, which would bring them well past Christmas. Harry pulled Sirius away to talk to him privately as you continued to make breakfast. After everyone was full of bacon and eggs, they headed upstairs for a nap before they headed to the hospital to visit Arthur.

You finally awoke from your rest and saw trunks had arrived from Hogwarts for everyone, including one for yourself. You got dressed and met Sirius in the sitting room where he was talking to two people. One was a beautiful witch who had short, pink hair and the other was Mad-Eye Moody, who was your Defense Against the Dark Arts professor your seventh year.

"Good to see you, Ms. (L/N)," grunted Moody, as he shook your hand roughly. "This here is Nymphadora." The girls' hair and eyes had turned bright red at Moody's introduction.

"DON'T. CALL. ME. NYMPHADORA!" Moody chuckled and slapped her on the back.

"Nah. I'm just teasing, she prefers Tonks." You smiled and shook her hand.

"You must be (Y/N). Sirius has filled us in on some stuff but maybe after our visit you'd want to get to know each other?" Her hair had returned to normal and she leaned in as whispered, "we're sort of outnumbered." She gave you and wink and walked over to Molly and gave her a hug.

The trip to St. Mungo's had been better this time around, now that everyone knew Arthur's condition. The visit went well, the doctors said Arthur would recover nicely and he would be home by Christmas. He thanked you again for helping with Molly and the kids and said you'll get to know more about each other in the coming months. Everyone left the hospital feeling like a weight had been lifted. When you arrived back at Grimmauld Place you helped Molly prepare dinner, that night had been much better than the prior evening and everyone could get a good night's sleep.

The next morning everyone chipped in with setting up Christmas decorations. Sirius sang carols while Fred and George set up the tree a wizard named Mundungus had brought. Tonks was hanging garland on the fireplace while Molly made lunch. You decided to go through the tree ornaments with Ginny. Hermione arrived later that night, even though she was supposed to be skiing with her parents. You heard that Umbridge was furious that you had taken Harry and the Weasley's away from the school "without her permission" as if she was some type of authority. The thought of that vile woman made your stomach turn. The kids went upstairs and the members of the Order gathered around the fireplace to catch up.

"So (Y/N), Sirius tells us you come from Death Eaters." There was no beating around the bush with Mad-Eye.

"Yes my father mainly, my mother is more reserved. Ever since the night that was supposed to be Voldemort's last, my father has been leading the search trying to find any sign of him. After the Triwizard Tournament, I had seen even less of my parents, which I didn't even think was possible."

Molly passed out mugs of butterbeer. Tonks got up from her spot and ran to the door. When she returned she was followed by another one of your former professors, Remus Lupin. He had been your favorite Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and he recognized you immediately.

"(Y/N) (L/N). Dumbledore told me there was a new member but I never would have guessed. Great to see you, dear."

"Likewise." He was the first person to greet you with a hug. You weren't sure why, but it made you feel much more welcome, like you had been a part of the Order for years.

"Who has Albus got you shadowing these days? Don't tell me it's Snape." Lupin grimaced when he said Severus' name.

"No, although Potions is where I would have liked to be. I'm the student professor of Herbology."

"Ahh yes, Pomona Sprout if I remember correctly. Brilliant witch, you'll learn a lot." Sirius looked like he was about to burst if he didn't greet Lupin. They hugged as Molly brought over another mug for Remus. The night ended after hours of catching up and retelling stories of the early days of the Order. Tonks was a little older than you so you weren't the only one who wasn't in the First Order. Everyone had said their good-nights and went to bed.

Christmas morning started better than any you ever had at home. There was a small stack of gifts at the foot of your bed. One had been from Molly, it was a green sweater with a big letter (Y/N/L) on the front, a pack of Fizzing Whizbees from Dumbledore, and a letter from your parents with a picture in it (this year's trip was to Bulgaria). You put on your sweater and got out of bed, eager to get to the bacon you smelled, when you heard something drop lightly on the floor. A small box in red and gold wrapping paper laid on the ground, you must have lost it in your quilt when you grabbed your presents. You opened the square box and your heart almost pounded out of your chest, you pulled the long silver chain from the box that held an emerald gemstone. It was one of the most beautiful necklaces you had ever seen. The box had no note attached and nothing to say whom it was from. You pulled out your wand and cast a Curse Detection charm, there was no sign of a curse so you put it on wondering who it could be from.

"Happy Christmas (Y/N)!" Arthur Weasley sat bruised but merry at the head of the table.

"Happy Christmas. How are you feeling?"

"Better than ever now that I've got Molly's breakfast in me, I'm telling you the food at St. Mungo's was horrid." He turned to talk to Sirius when an owl ran headfirst into the front door. Molly opened the door to find a package, she came back into the kitchen with tears on her face. In her hands on a jumper like yours but in red with a "P" on the front.

"No note. No explanation! Hasn't even written to see if you're even alive!" She burst into tears again. Fred and George had come downstairs when they heard the ruckus. They tried to comfort their mother but it didn't seem to be helping. Lupin sent them upstairs to see if everyone was awake and took over consoling Molly, eventually she calmed down. The entire day was full of music, food and laughter; more than you could say if you were with your parents, you had never laughed so hard in your life.

The following days had been full of pleasant conversation and amazing food. You and Tonks had a lot in common and she showed you her metamorphmagi ability, which you found fascinating. Arthur told you about his work at the Ministry, learning about Muggle products and their uses and Alastor was telling stories from his days as an Auror. The holiday break was coming to a close when Molly, Arthur, Lupin, Tonks, Mad-Eye, Mundungus, and a man named Kingsley Shacklebolt brought you into the sitting room. Sirius stepped forward.

"(Y/N), getting to know you over these past week has been a joy. I can see now why Dumbledore picked you, you are a fine witch and I think you would make a fantastic addition to our cause. So, I would like to formally welcome you into the Order of the Phoenix."

Everyone applauded as Sirius opened his arms for a hug. You tried hard to hold back the tears.

"When Dumbledore asked me if I wanted to join the Order, he said 'you will enter into a family, one that treasures your abilities and protects you to the ends of the world.' I heard what he said but I don't think I really comprehended what he was saying, but I get it now. I have felt more at home this holiday than I did 18 years with my actual family. Thank you so much for accepting me, I won't let you down." Your eyes were welling up with tears so you figured it was best to cut it there before you became a bumbling mess. After a string of hugs and welcomes you went up to your room and opened your copy of Moste Potente Potions.

The final day of break was finally here. You couldn't wait to go back to Hogwarts but you didn't want to leave your new friends. You were packing up your trunk when Tonks came in to say good-bye.

"Mad-Eye needs me, Auror business. But I just wanted to let you know that you can always send an owl my way." She gave you a hug and when she pulled away she saw your necklace.

"And who, may I ask, was that from?!" She let herself become a little girly and bent down to get a closer look. "It's gorgeous!"

"I'm not sure. There was no note it was just on my bed Christmas morning. Don't worry I checked for curses."

"A secret admirer? Ohh, Molly will love this! When you find out who it is you must tell me I'm dying to find out!" With that she ran out of the room, you assumed, to tell Mrs. Weasley.

You turned back to your trunk and finished putting away your clothes. You were about to put your book away but when you turned to grab it off of your bed it was gone.

"Enjoying your new book? I can see you are more than halfway through."

Your heart skipped a beat when you recognized the voice.

"As a matter of fact I am enjoying it. Very informative you know." You turned around and saw him skimming through the pages. You waited for Severus to give it back so you could pack it away. "What are you doing here?"

"I had some business with Mr. Potter from Dumbledore and figured you would prefer to apparate back to Hogwarts. Only Albus, Minerva and myself may apparate in and out of Hogwarts." Severus looked up from the book and glanced at your necklace. "Unless you would prefer to take the train."

"Let me just say good-bye to everyone and we can go." You went downstairs and said your good-byes. You didn't want to leave yet but you didn't want to sit on the Hogwarts Express for hours either.

"See you for Easter, dear?" Molly asked.

"Absolutely! I can't wait." She gave you the tightest hug of everyone and went back to cleaning the kitchen.

Severus held out his arm for you to take. You looked at your feet as your hand snaked around his elbow, not wanting him to see you blush. The room spun and you landed in Dumbledore's study.

"Ah Severus, (Y/N). Good holiday? I'm hoping that everyone was gracious at Grimmauld Place?"

"Yes, sir. Everyone was friendly and welcoming. You were right about them, I have never felt more at home." You said with a large smile.

"Well I'm glad. Now, it's good that you are both here because I have important business for both of you. Severus, I want you to teach Ms. (L/N) occlumency as well; it may come in handy in the future."

"Of course, Headmaster." Snape said, hands behind his back, looking professional. Dumbledore nodded and looked over at you.

"So, you took my advice and went with the emerald." Snape's face went bright red in a second flat and left the room quickly, obviously embarrassed. "It looks lovely on you (Y/N)." Dumbledore gave a playful wink and went back to his desk.

"Thank you, sir." You left his office hoping to catch Severus in the hall but he had already disappeared. You touched your necklace and smiled as you walked back to your room.


	5. Chapter 5, Occlumency Lessons

You arrived outside of Professor Snape's office Monday after you came back from the holiday break. You were about to knock when the door opened.

"And be warned, Potter...I shall know if you have not practiced…" Severus was talking to Harry who looked tired and emotionally drained. Was this what you were about to feel after your lesson with Severus?

"Right," Harry mumbled. He picked up his school bag, swung it over his shoulder and hurried out of the office. "Professor." He looked at you and gave a nod.

"Potter." You nodded back but before you could ask him anything, he had stormed off. Snape was standing in front of you, in the door to his study. He motioned for you to enter and shut the door behind him. You turned to face him and noticed his wrist was red and raw. "Oh my gosh, Severus. Are you okay? That looks like it hurts." You asked as you reached out and grabbed his hand to examine the injury further.

"Fine, Potter accidentally cast a Stinging Hex during his lesson. I'll be fine." You looked up to see if he was just putting on a brave face and found yourself staring into his eyes a hair longer than you intended. You released his hand and turned to grab some ingredients off of his shelf. You had whipped up a simple healing potion without his assistance or any instruction. He was very impressed with your work as you smeared the potion onto his wrist, the color went back to normal and the lashes faded and disappeared.

"Thank you. Now, we must begin. Don't want it to get too late. The Dark Lord is skilled in the art of Legilimency and, as you know, the headmaster has asked me to teach you how to defend yourself from letting him enter your mind, doing so is called occlumency. To successfully block legilimens, you need to empty your mind and control your emotions. You may use your wand to try to disarm me or block me, I am going to try to break into your mind. Wand at the ready." You weren't sure what to expect, you raised your wand and tried to clear your mind.

"_Legilimens." _

Images had begun flashing in front of your eyes rapidly. Your third birthday, your father bursting into your party and kicking everyone out after he had learned of Voldemort's defeat...boarding the Hogwarts Express during your first year, your mother had taken you and told you that she would write as often as she could before kissing the top of your head and waving you off…your fourth year at Hogwarts, the year that the famous Harry Potter had started… Potion's class your sixth year, staring at Professor Snape and thinking about how he looked so…"NO!" You shouted and fired a disarming charm.

"Well, you've done better than Potter already so that's something to work with." He picked up his wand and turned back to you. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I suppose." You answered, hoping that Severus hadn't gotten too far in that last memory.

"Good. We are going to try again. You have to concentrate a bit harder. _Legilimens._"

More memories flashed by. Being given tasks by Dumbledore, convincing a Ravenclaw boy to do a Charms essay for you...sitting in the Slytherin Common Room with your two friends, they were teasing you about having a crush on Professor Snape...the office came back into view. Your cheeks were hot as Severus began to speak.

"Much better, you were able to expel me from your mind quicker that time." He looked proud, you were embarrassed. You knew he saw the one of your friends teasing you. "Last time for the night, controls our emotions, block off your mind. _Legilimens."_

This time you could feel yourself straining against his strong push in your head. You pushed forward and opened your eyes feeling more confident than you had before. When you looked up, Severus was actually smiling.

"Excellent!" After he realized he had gotten a bit too excited for your success, he reeled it in and his smile had diminished to a smirk. "You will do well with these lessons. I'm sure we'll have you protection your mind without realizing that anyone is even trying to infiltrate it in no time." He escorted you over to the door, you were happy the lesson was over for the day. You understood why Potter looked the way he did when he left, you felt emotionally drained and required a cup of tea and a good night's sleep.

"Is this time next week good for you?" He seemed less hesitant to look into your eyes now, he hadn't even tried to look away, playing it off as if he didn't want to offend you.

"Next week sounds great." Snape held open the door for you to exit. You turned and gave him a small smile as you crossed the dungeons to your room.

A few days later, Dumbledore called you to his office. He had the same demeanor as the night that he asked you to join the Order.

"Professor Snape told me your first occlumency lesson was extremely successful." Dumbledore had a gleam in his eye, you could sense that he was proud of what he heard from both the Order and from Severus' report.

"I suppose, sir. I just did what was natural. Severus told me that I would be able to block my mind off completely in no time." You held back a smile, trying to remain serious and professional.

"I wanted to wait until the school year was over but I feel it is necessary to act quickly. I fear Voldemort's plans may be unfolding sooner than expected. The reason Professor Snape is teaching you how to block your thoughts and memories is so that you can successfully infiltrate his organization without him seeing that you are secretly working for the Order." You felt your heart in your throat, Dumbledore was asking you to become the one thing that you swore to yourself you would never become.

"You want me to become a Death Eater, sir?" Your eyes stung as you stopped the tears from coming out.

"I know that this is a big task I am asking of you, far from turning a toad into a goblet. Like I said, I would have preferred to wait until you were better trained in occlumency; but since the attack on Arthur, I think we need to put our plans in motion. Do you trust Severus Snape?"

"I do, headmaster." Still, not knowing how to process what he was asking of you.

"Severus will be your guide, your protector and your mentor. You see, Severus has been a Death Eater and working for the Order simultaneously. All you need to do is make it look like you want to follow in your parents footsteps. If you don't feel like you are up to the task, you don't…"

"I'll do it." You interrupted. Dumbledore had told you it would be hard and that there was a chance you could get injured or possibly die. You wanted to see Voldemort dead more than your fear of getting caught. "When?"

"You are going to go home over the next holiday and tell your parents that you heard rumors the Dark Lord has returned. When your father confirms this, you are going to tell them you want nothing more than to fight for him. They will most likely take you to him that night and you will be initiated."

You didn't like the idea of not going back to Grimmauld Place for Easter but you had to do what you had to do. You agreed and headed off.

"(Y/N)...if you ever feel like this is too much please let me know. As leader of the Order I have sworn to protect you no matter the cost."

"So I am to report to you with anything and everything?"

"Yes." Dumbledore nodded.

"And you will tell me what to do and say next?"

"Of course."

"Thank you for trusting me with this, Professor. I won't disappoint you." With Albus on your side you knew everything would be fine.

"I don't suspect you will." He smiled and opened the door for you to leave.

The entire month of January had been incredibly boring, Herbology classes were mainly composed of bookwork inside. The greenhouses had heat but Pomona felt that winter was the best time to get the students written test requirements finished. You had continued your occlumency classes with Severus, he was pleased how well you were excelling but he was not so pleased with Harry. He would tell you about how much of an insufferable dunderhead he was and how he couldn't understand why Harry was unable to advance at all. You had been doing so well Severus had started trying to invade your mind randomly when he saw you and you were able to stop him every time.

The first day of February all the girls had started wondering who their valentines would be that year. The boys were clueless about how to handle Valentine's Day. As Valentine's Day drew closer you, Pomona, Minerva and Septima were pairing couples together one morning at breakfast. Severus came into the Great Hall and walked right up to your group.

"Ladies, excuse me. (Y/N) I was hoping that you would join me at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop this Saturday at seven. I will give you some time to consider." At that, he turned and walked out of the Great Hall, but before the doors closed behind him he turned back and you noticed your knife had been transfigured into a rose. Pomona, Minerva and Septima all were gawking at you like you had just slapped the Minister of Magic. You buried your face in your hands, your face hurt from the smile that was plastered on your face.

"Saturday? Isn't that Valentine's Day?" Pomona said in a sing-song tone.

"Looks like somebody has an admirer. Need I remind you that professor to professor dating is prohibited." Umbridge said with a smug expression. You weren't sure how long she had been standing there.

"Well it's a good thing I'm not a professor and just a student teacher." You replied without removing your eyes from the beautiful flower. "And I'm pretty sure that's not even a rule."

"Oh. Don't you worry. It will be." She walked away, but the tone of her voice indicated that this wasn't over.

"So...are you going to go?" Septima was the gossip of your group and loved the drama.

"I want to but don't you think it isn't appropriate? Maybe Dolores has a point…"

Minerva cut you off, "Go. There's no rule about inter teacher dating. I highly doubt Albus would have a problem with it anyway."

"You think so?" You knew that you were going to say yes but you were too embarrassed to tell the others.

"And if you ever admit that vile woman could be right about anything, I'll turn you into a teapot." Minerva joked.

You arrived at Snape's study for your weekly lesson. You didn't see Harry leave and thought you were late.

"I cancelled my appointment with Mr. Potter. I felt he needed a week off." He motioned for you to enter the same way he did every week. You held up the rose that he had transfigured that morning.

"I hope you weren't interrogated too much after my offer this morning. I didn't mean to embarrass you…"

"You didn't embarrass me. The rose was a nice touch. I never pictured you as a romantic." You said, trying to remain cool.

"Yes you did." Just that simple sentence was enough to break through your facade. Now you realized how much he actually saw of your memories. "Why don't we start our lesson," he said.

You put down the rose and pulled out your wand.

"_Legilimens."_

He was able to break through for the first time in weeks. Dumbledore's office came into view, scenes from just the other day flashed by quickly, the scenes of Dumbledore asking you to become a Death Eater. The room came back into view but you were positive it wasn't from your own doing. You looked at Severus, he looked worried and angry. He turned and stormed out of his office. Unsure where he was going, you got up and chased after him.


	6. Chapter 6, Valentine's Day

"You will not put her in danger! I won't allow it!" You'd never seen Severus this angry before. "You have put me through this once! I will not lose someone else!"

"That is why you need to protect her." Dumbledore kept calm as Snape hollered and paced.

"Why do you even need her? She's an unnecessary pawn in whatever game you are playing!" You were standing in the corner trying not to bring attention to yourself. You weren't sure if you should leave or not. When you tried to sneak out when Albus asked your opinion.

"Do you understand why I need you to do this, Ms. (L/N)?" He was still calm even with Severus pacing about.

"You need another set of eyes and ears. The Dark Lord may only tell him so much but I can learn what he wants my father to do or even what he wants me to do."

"You see Severus, she understands why. Now, I need you to continue the lessons and I'm going to need you to keep a watchful eye on her when in Voldemort's presence. I need her just as much as I need you." You were getting tired of them talking about you like you weren't there. Severus turned to leave without looking in your direction. You weren't sure if you should go see him or let him be for the evening.

"I would give him time," Dumbledore said. "He's upset now but he will understand soon. How did he know of our conversation?"

"I'm just having an off day, sir. I let my emotions go, didn't control them well enough I imagine." You didn't want to fill him in on Severus' offer, especially now that you weren't sure whether it was still on the table.

"Yes, well, let's get that under control. Can't have the Dark Lord seeing conversations like that." He sat at his desk, picked up a quill and began writing. You took this as your invitation to leave.

"Goodnight, sir." You left in a hurry.

The next day, you weren't in the best of moods. Unsure whether you ruined your relationship with Severus, you took Albus' advice and let him be. At dinner you kept to yourself, only chiming in on conversations when directly addressed. You went straight to your room after the meal, you had been so wrapped up in your occlumency lessons and learning how to be a good professor that you hadn't taken a single night to yourself.

The rest of the week slugged by. On Friday, little cherubs were seen flying about the castle delivering cards to students in classes. After four classes of interruptions, Pomona had enough and refused any more cards be delivered to her class for the rest of the day. You were still embarrassed about what had happened earlier in the week, you decided to have dinner in your room and finish the book that you had been reading. You were almost done with dessert when there was a knock at your door.

"(Y/N), dear. It's Minerva."

You went over to the door and undid the latch.

"I just want to make sure you were alright. You've seemed reserved all week and when you didn't show up for dinner, I thought I'd check in." She was always looking out for you and you loved that about her.

"I'm fine, really. I'm just a little burnt out from all the inside work that we've been doing in class and just needed a night off."

You sat and talked for a while. It was nice having one on one time to explain your doubts and worries to someone. She had a positive comeback to everything you were anxious about. The clock in your room read eleven thirty and Minerva decided it was time for her to retire for the night.

"Are you still going tomorrow?" She asked, you had nearly forgotten about tomorrow night.

"I think so." She could sense the doubt in your voice but chose to ignore it.

"I'll be by later with Septima and Poppy around 6 then to help you get ready." She didn't even give you a chance to answer as she quickly closed the door behind her.

You spent most of the next day re-reading _Moste Potente Potions _in your room. You remembered how Hogwarts was on Valentine's Day and chose to stay secluded. Seeing hormonal teenagers 'in love' wasn't appealing. The fireplace in your room made you so comfortable you fell asleep after lunch and was woken up by the sound of your door opening. The three women came in, you had a feeling you were about to be their life size doll. Septima did your makeup while Madam Pomfrey did your hair. Minerva was in your closet trying to put together the 'perfect outfit', in her words.

"Pomona and I are on corridor duty for the night, but enjoy yourself and I want to hear all about it tomorrow!" Septima walked out with Poppy.

"I don't know if I should go, Minerva." You didn't know how much Dumbledore had told her so you intended to keep it simple.

"Why not?" She acted like she knew something.

"Because Severus saw something that Dumbledore wants me to do for the Order and he was extremely upset about it. I'm not sure if he was upset with me for accepting the task or Albus for putting me in the middle."

"Well, I'm not sure what Albus could have asked but I do know that Severus was acting very nervous today." She was tying the ribbons into a bow on your dress. She had picked out a light pink, half-calf length, sweetheart cut dress with long ribbons that tied around your waist in the back. She grabbed white Mary Jane heels and white pea coat and handed them to you. "Go. If he's there, great; and if he's not, I highly recommend the jade citrus mint green tea." She gave you a wink and you left the room together.

You walked to the edge of the grounds before apparating into Hogsmeade. There was a dusting of snow on the ground and a light flurry overhead. You were early so you decided to pop into Honeyduke's for some Cauldron Cakes to take back with you. You saw Madam Puddifoot's down the street, there were couples leaving the tea shop, some of whom you recognized as your students. You instantly regretted coming, what if your students saw you there? You were going to look in the window anyway, doubting that you would find him inside. When you reached the shop, it was completely empty.

"The owner owed me a favor." His voice made you jump and your heart fluttered when you saw him.

"Seems like a lot of people owe you favors." You couldn't hide your excitement. You had been so nervous that he would stand you up, you weren't sure what to do now.

"They come in handy." He walked over to the door and held it open for you. You walked in and waited for Severus to pick the table for you. You joined him at the table in the far corner. A young witch came over with a tiered tray full of macaroons, scones and small cakes. "We'll have two jade citrus mint green teas. I hope you don't mind, Minerva said it was the best in the shop." You knew she knew something, you made a mental note to question her later.

"I don't mind at all." You grabbed one of the battenburg cakes from the top tier. The witch brought over your tea, when she turned to leave she flicked her wand and the annoying cherubs that usually sprinkled confetti disappeared along with the other tables.

"I thought you might not come after what happened…" you let your voice trail off, regretting bringing it back up.

"I wasn't upset with you, and I apologize if I came across that way. Albus and I have history, history that is riddled with loss and anger. I finally felt like I could open up again only to discover that he was going to put you on the front lines of a war." You were relieved to find out that you weren't the one that upset him. "I can understand if you are taken aback by my reaction…"

"No," you interrupted. "Not at all, I just didn't know who you were upset with. I hoped it wasn't me."

"It was not you. You are just doing your duties; but tell me, why are you doing this? Infiltrating the Death Eaters is a dangerous and foolish." His tone was full of concern and intrigue.

"My parents are death eaters and Voldemort has done nothing but cause death and destruction to everyone, even his loyal servants." You almost wanted to cry but remembered the makeup that Septima worked so hard on.

"I cannot promise that I can protect you entirely," he reached out and grabbed your folded hands. "But I will do my best to keep you safe." You freed one of your hands and rested it on top of his.

"I trust you."

Just then, you heard the ding of the shop door open and saw the Potter crew staring, slack-jawed at you and Snape holding hands. They left faster than they entered and you looked back at Severus who had an unamused look on his face. He sighed and sipped his tea.

"Well I wonder what they could possibly be talking about now." You heard Severus chuckle behind his cup at your remark.

"Probably wondering why someone as brilliant and charming as you, is here with me." He nonchalantly continued to eat a scone and finish his cup. You were happy he didn't look up to see the shade of bright scarlet that covered your face.

You both finished your tea and the kind witch packed up the rest of the treats into two small bags for you and Severus to take back. Before you disapparated back onto the grounds, you took a slow stroll down High Street and Severus told you the story of how he came to be the Potions professor at Hogwarts. The eloquence in his voice made you want to listen to his stories all night. He asked for your arm and disapparated you both at the end of the road. You found yourself strolling arm in arm back in Hogwarts Castle, talking about how you both had enjoyed your night.

You had almost reached the dungeons only to be stopped by Dumbledore at the end of the staircase.


End file.
